As we aspire to stick to our New Year’s resolutions, now is the time when you say, “no more! I’m not living like this for one more year. It’s time.”
In today’s ever changing and competitive world, many parents feel the daily stress of being a working parent and its effect on the way they interact with their children. They are looking for answers on how to change this. They want more quality time with their kids, without the yelling.
Today, I will reveal one of the many ways to repair the communication disconnect in a family caused by stress. You will also learn a fun way to begin or end your day on a Happy Note that puts a smile on your face and your child’s!
Let’s face it, both parents work in many households. When you get home you would like the kids to listen to you, cooperate with you, love and adore you. Yet, when tensions are high after a stress filled day at work and your child is not listening to you and running rampant, dinner has to be made, homework completed and showers taken, tempers can run fast and furious. (The love and adore you, well, that’s there somewhere, yet, it seems to get overshadowed by “stuff”). So to get what you need to “get done” within a reasonable time, the cycle of yelling, pleading or harsh punishments begins yet again. Why again? Yelling, pleading and harsh punishments are all short term solutions because neither, the child nor the adult, feels heard or understood. The behavior temporarily stops to just get through the situation without any real connection or learning taking place.
I invite you to try something drastically different. Are you open to accept??
First, I would like you to just stop, breathe and give yourself some self-empathy for a few minutes. Allow yourself to acknowledge the stress or overwhelm and then feel it. Give your brain the chance to redirect. If the feeling you are feeling makes you feel lousy, then ask yourself, do you want to keep feeling lousy? If you are feeling lousy most likely your child is too. It’s time to say, “No More.”
What if you did something radical? What if you just let it all go? What if you and your spouse or significant other started to look at all the chaos and stress, as a gift!
You are probably thinking I’m crazy but think of it this way, you actually have a choice. You can continue with the yelling, pleading and harsh punishments or you can embrace the fact that your family, just like many other families out there in the world, will experience a little chaos some days, some days more than others, you can’t avoid it. It’s actually normal! However, you can learn how to effectively manage it.
One way to manage this stress of parenting, is to appreciate your family with all of the chaos attached to it. I sometimes stand there in awe and think to myself, “What is my child thinking?” No judgement, just wonderment. When your child is misbehaving, if you just pause for a moment and be present for your child during that time then ask your child how you can help him instead of telling him what to do, you may be pleasantly surprised by the answer you get. While you think he is misbehaving, you’d be astonished at times what is going through your child’s head! When your child opens up to you, just listen, refrain from talking (not easy, I know I have been there.) Kids have their own unique perspective on what they are doing or think what they are doing so just let them get it out.
When done, repeat back to the child what he said. He will feel heard and if you repeat what he said to you, it also gives him the opportunity to make any corrections, since he is now listening to what you are saying. If what you are saying is not what he is trying to convey to you the child has the opportunity to clarify. This can take some time, say 10 minutes. Yet this 10 minutes can have a lasting impression upon the child because you were there for them. At this point too, you now know what’s going on in your child’s head (his intention) and you will begin to learn how to read your child and plan accordingly. If there is a lesson in family values to be taught, then this is a good time to discuss it because your child is now feeling heard and may be open to new suggestions. There is no longer a need for yelling, pleading or harsh punishments. Now, if he is doing something dangerous, please, by all means step in to do what you must to protect your child from harm.

Written by Cindy Marvin

Cindy Marvin

Cindy Marvin is a parenting coach, educator, speaker and founder of Repairenting, LLC. Her mission is to help families reconnect and begin to enjoy their time with one another and Bring Harmony Home. Through her ability to deeply listen without judgment and create a safe environment, Cindy helps families create positive changes in their lives that have dramatic lasting effects for years to come.