“Ok Just One. Ok 5 More Minutes.”
Do you give in because it’s just easier that way for you? Do you feel guilty? Are you anxious and just don’t know how to handle the situation? Do arguments ensue? Do you feel you need to say yes to keep up with the Jones?
Connection between parents and their children develops within the first 18 years. Yes 18 yrs! It’s a wonderful commitment, one of which will have many no’s and yes’s. The connections you make during this time will help your child grow into a well-adjusted adult or not. If the bond is weak and marred with shaming, blaming and consequences this will lead to an adult that is self-centered and unable to show compassion and empathy towards others. Lasting bonds are forged through a combination of love, compassion and healthy limits throughout childhood. These are the adults that become leaders.
Unconditional love is the greatest gift you can give your child. To know that no matter what happens that your child still feels loved, regardless of what he/she achieves or fails at. This helps promote a healthy self-esteem in your child. Isn’t that what all of us parents want?
“The first duty of love is to listen”—Paul Tillich, Christian philosopher.
While unconditional love is at our core at Bringing Harmony Home, it doesn’t mean unconditional acceptance of behavior. All feelings are heard but not all behaviors are welcome. As parents we need to set healthy limits for our children. We set guidelines for the safety and welfare of our children. The key is consistency. Once you establish your family values, what is and is not acceptable, then it is up to you to consistently hold to them, even if it means saying no to your child.
Self Esteem Done Right
Self-esteem is fostered through discipline done right. What is discipline? It actually means to teach. Discipline has gotten a bad rap through the years. Parents give it a negative connotation. It only means to teach, so what do you want to teach your children? The future will be much brighter and happier for your child if your child can internalize a loving and compassionate voice in their head of you working out the issue and teaching them in a nonjudgmental way instead of a harsh and punitive one. Choose a loving way to teach your message and your results will be everlasting. Mindful parenting is the ultimate in damage control.
The brain is shaped by its experiences, whereby your parenting has real effects on your child’s brain development. This is why it is so important to regulate your own emotions and teach your children to do the same. Listen to their concerns and then offer a way for them to figure a way to work out a solution to the issue on their own. If they are too young to really “get it”, offer a very simple and short explanation of why they can’t eat a cookie before dinner or that they need their rest so they have lots of energy for a grand and adventurous tomorrow and then stick to it.
Being consistent so that children know they can depend on you no matter what is the key to Bringing Harmony Home.